this is the way endings always come; abrupt and unmindful of what might become
of a future tense like those sharp-cornered engravings left on public picnic tables, that love-made with a knife on a old twisting tree.
haughty, as if a word would outlive wood,
haughty, as if a boy and a girl might outlive a word and -these are the things i think about when
my head is in opposition with my heart and i can picture a million different endings in media res, guided by perspective, guided by hope, grounded with the past, a gasp at how quickly a memory can fade without fuel to feed it.
There was a time that I could write and I fucking miss it. I miss having an outlet.
Wahh I can’t wait until November for this song to come out. It’s super catchy.
I’m slowly realizing how foolish I was to think I wanted to grow up so quickly. Now that I’m in the workforce I’m discovering things I just can’t comprehend and asking myself questions that frighten me. IS THIS IT? THIS is what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life? When do I have time for traveling and for spending time for family and friends? When can I just spend a day reading or just sprawling out in the lawn and listening to music that fills me with so much joy?
I sit here and watch people come in to work early and leave way late and then even are take work home with them. Those who work the most are smiled upon and it seems like if you leave when you are supposed to that you aren’t a hard worker. I don’t get it. AT ALL. Now make no mistake…I have an excellent work ethic…but my problem lies in the fact that people seem to let their work define who they are and what they do. They can’t even take vacations without somehow being connected to work.
I just can’t comprehend how a life can revolve around that. It’s not for me. Maybe I’m in the wrong field? I don’t know…it just doesn’t feel very satisfying to do this day in and day out. We all can’t be fortunate enough to have jobs that we absolutely love and are passionate about. And somehow we have to slog through it. What happens when work isn’t the thing you find to be MOST important in life? It’s a huge part of life…but why does it have to be the whole of it?
This can’t be it.
Love,
A disillusioned 25 year old
